Well it's 12:10 p.m. The boys' mother called Michael sr. this morning and told him to tell the boys she was sick and would not be picking them up today. She also said that she was getting ready to take a nap. Michael had purchased a computer to enable the boys to communicate with thier mother. (It is like the one you may have seen on a tv commercial where the little boy and his dad are speaking and seeing each other on a computer. They aer both eating an oreo cookie and the little boy says, "Good morning, Daddy" and the daddy says "Good night" to the boy.) She evidently has told Michaelsr. that she has been able to set up her part of this computer system and the boys should be able to communicate with her this evening. The boys were all so disappointed at this news, but are looking forward to thei computer "visit" tonight. Yesterday she had told Michael jr. that she was going to get their bathing suits and take them swimming. Michael jr was so sad. He asked me if this had ever happened to me and i said "no" , but i know it must hurt, but there is nothing we can do about it and we must look at the good things. So they are all anticiapating the "visit" tonight.
Michael sr. will be working ten out of the next 12 days. His hours for his shifts are 4p.m. to 1a.m. and 6a.m. to 3p.m. and i think one or two of the 2p.m. to 11:30 shifts. I have been over-eating and i know this is so harmful to me and my ability to be the help i need to be. The over-eating is accomplished by eating very slowly and chewing until whatever i am eating is a mushy consistency. This is just self-sabotage, i know, and i request your prayers for this horrible sinful nature of mine. I have regained weight that i had lost and my size 3x pants now fit again, although not as tight as they used to be. The 2x pants i was able to wear have split slightly at the seams and i am not wearing them right now. I am confessing this, in order to humiliate myself and try to be accountable to you. I believe this will help me get back on the right track. I handle stress this way instead of getting into the Word and gaining strength from the only Source of lasting strength. Pray for me.
Michael said the MRI shows a bone is once again pressing on his spinal cord and the wednesday test will occur, because the MRI is showing the same injury that was supposed to be taken care of by the surgery in July and this doesnt make sense. So, it does look like surgery is in the offing for him. I can tell he is feeling pressure, knowing that this is a more major surgery that again will require a breathing tube and this time they will have to go through his chest. I am assuming that this means a longer hospital stay and recuperation period. I am concerned that i will be unable to attend CC's wedding and i want to cry, truly, tears are streaming down my face as i type this. I dont know. I will just have to wait and see how michael is doing. i was planning to be gone from october 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19 and arive in newburgh on monday,october 20. I am too fat to fit in a plane, and i need to drive.
Life is filled with blessings and Satan is working so hard to get my focus off of the love, steadfastness and strength that comes from God when my focus is on Him. (By the way, vicki, i want ronnie wiggins to know about this blog. I will attempt to get the info to him, but if you know how to get a blog to someone, will you get this to him? Thanks.) I want my focus to be on Him. With the wieght gain, this job that i must do for Michel sr. is extremely exhausting. Michael needs me to be in top shape so he can put his focus where it needs to be. I need to be in top shape so God's radiance can shine through me for my son and grandsons. Please pray for Michael sr.'s health and, of course, for me for strength and self-control that is s fruit of the Spirti which i can access so easily.
The boys are taking a nap and so is Michael. He will leave for work probably around 3:30 p.m.
I feel so convicted of the sin in my life of lack of self-control. Please pray for me. jk
2 comments:
JJ, goodness me, how down and despairing you must feel. Wish I could be there, not that that would change anything. I had already thought that you might not make Cath's wedding, depending on Mike's treatment and recovery. And YOU MUST be available to him. There is no one else! Don't you sabotage your chances at health and stamina today or any day in the future til Mikey no longer needs you. And quit talking about love until you are demonstrating it by your behavior. You CAN do this! I love you so much and I don't want you distracting yourself with your own problems. You MUST think about the needs of others you love who are depending on you and then you will do the things that are best for them, and secondarily, good for you.
I hope the public confession will be the jump start to good decisions in all areas. Don't go take a nap. Do your Bible Study lesson.
I just wanted to say that while I am disappointed with you over-eating, (close your eyes and just imagine me saying, "what are you doing" the next time you try), i am incredibly proud of you for admitting it, more so than disappointed. It is extremely important to hold yourself accountable and it thrills me that you are. I will continue to keep you in my prayers. I will also keep Mike in my prayers, I cannot imagine what thoughts are going through his head about it all. Tell the boys their cousin Karsen says hello and that he hopes to see them soon. (and Mike that, but from his nephew). And well all hope to see you real soon.
Just for personal clarification, if you decide that you ultimately cannot make it to Catherine's wedding, does this mean you will also not be coming here for your doctor appointments, etc? If this is the case, I think you should contact your doctors down here, and insurance and find some doctors for the time being in Newburgh.
We all love you and miss you and want you home as soon as possible.
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