While I have begun this post at 4:54a.m., on Monday morning, it is a rehash of yesterday's experiences.
I made it to church with my walker leading the way. I went to Bible Class, too, after church. The singing at the church service had us singing all of the verses of "O little Town of Bethlehem" and interspersed though these verses we would sing "Make Me a Sanctuary". Tears flowed from my eyes, for that is what I want to be, a sanctuary for my Lord to dwell and for His Spirit to reign in my life. A beautiful time of communing with my Lord. The sermon was about the path,(singular) to God. In the kindest of voices, the minister spoke of the sacrifice that was made on the cross and the single path to God through faith in our Savior. An invitation was offered. I pray God's richest blessing on this body of believers. Jesus Christ is the focus of every word that is said and every song that is sung. An entire service of praise. The class is studying Acts and we were in the last of chapter 5. Great discussion and thoughts were shared. The Bible is such a wonderful source of blessing and it is evident in what is gained from Bible study. The class was so sweet to me. Without my asking for it, they prayed for me and my trip, for my grandsons and for Michael. So touching and so unexpected.
I am sort of low key, for me, here. I make comments in class, but I am not so outrageous like I think I can be sometime. Here I have consciously tried to not create a scene where I am the focus. I am working on myself. Pray for me. To my family: I have led a life of desiring to be accepted and loved by everyone. That has been my focus. I have felt so inadequate around you all and like I am not as good as you all are. I realize that while my efforts may have not seemed overt to me, they have been overt to everyone around me and possibly disdaned. I apologise. I have always been so afraid I would lose your love and respect and your desire to be around me. I didnt want to be alone. I am sorry and I apologise and I ask your prayers on my behalf. I dont know why I felt this way, but I know I have felt this way for years and years and years. (I am not going to count the "I"s in this paragraph and I request that you dont either.)
Michael Jr. slept with me. Actually, I slept pretty well, although I did get up really really early this morning. Hopefully, I will be able to return to bed for a bit prior to the boys waking up. We didn't get to sleep until after 9:45p.m.
The boys' mother downgrades Michael Dr. to the boys and I ask you to pray about this. She is subtle about it but consistent. In front of the boys, Talking about Michaeol Sr. not being the one to pick me up and saying "Michael Sr should be doing this and not you" in front of the boys, and saying regularly that Grammy is the one who is taking care of you and calling the Newburgh house "Grammy's house". Subtle, but mean. She holds up, Troy, her boyfriend, as the epitome of what a man should be. She is really trying to get the boys to see him as the best example of what a man/father should be . He, of course, while he is a nice man, is putty in her hands, which raises his value in her eyes immensely. Please pray about this too. This time the boys have had with their daddy, has opened their eyes somewhat, but Michael Sr. has been so sick most of the time. The have had some great time with him, especially here at the end. I am so glad for that.
We plan to have our Christmas this evening, or this afternoon or sometime today anyway. I will need to find time sometime today to pack my car and prepare for the trip home. Hopefully this will get done and I will be able to get an early start. If it is like my usual behavior, I will not be able to sleep very well tonight and I should be ready to leave early early early in the morning. The only problem with that is that I get really really tired around 10, which is a bit too early to stop.
I trust things are coming together for you all as you prepare for the holidays with your family. My wish for you all is for you to have a very Merry Christmas and that you show and feel the love that was shown to us when God sent His son (I know Jesus's birthday is not December 25) to this earth to take on the flesh of man and live and walk this earth with us and give His life for us.
I love you all so much.
May God richly bless you, my loved ones. jk
3 comments:
Jan, I know that the next two or three days are going to be stressful as you pack and travel to Houston. I will be praying for your safety, and hope you have the best Christmas ever.
I would like to state a few observations/questions.
1. This is YOUR blog, so it should be filled with "Is" (read eyes not is). There is no need to apologize for saying "I" in YOUR OWN blog. If this was a blog about doing community service then you might want to check yourself, but the title of the bog says, "jancardwellkelley," not, "Stories of the Good Doers of the World." I'm not saying you are not a "good doer", because you obviously are, but some of your readers, and maybe all of them, are reading this to find out what YOU are doing and how YOU are doing. In other words, keep up the good work!!
2. Your spelling has gotten better as your blogging has aged (with the exception of a few ... i.e. apologise [sic]), but it appears you may need some work on the basics of formatting. There should be a spot towards the top of your blog (when you are creating a blog) that is a T that gets progressively larger. You might want to choose a smaller "T" to decrease the size of your text. I would suggest "Normal" and if that does not work, I would suggest "small". If one of your fans is having trouble reading the smaller text, they need to make an appointment with their favorite eye doctor for a vision test.
3. Do you have any documented proof that Jesus was not born to Mary and Joseph on the 25th of December (year unknown)?
4. Just wanted to say that I still believe in Santa Claus and can't wait to see what he drops in front of the fireplace on the 25th day of this here month.
JJ, my pet, how could you doubt yourself after Stars Over Meadowbrook?? Just please be assured that you are as good/flawed/in need of a Savior (pick one or more as you feel called), as the rest of your relatives, so put that baby to sleep, as it were!!
And Charlie Ferguson always liked the funny one better than the smart one, and that is mighty strong validation, I'm thinking!
At some point the boys will start to question in their own minds why what they see and know to be true is said not to be true and until they see through that there is not much you can do except pray.
Poor Troy. I wish his mom would come help him!
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