Michael is in full control of the boys today.

I did take them to school, which, as I have said so many times, I enjoy to the max. He is picking them up from school and is taking them to a movie and out to eat. So Iam free for the day and that is needed very much right now. Last night both Brendan and Aidan came in the middle of the night, separately, and said they had bad dreams and they wanted to get into my bed with me. Well, needless to say, I did not sleep well. In fact I slid out of the bed at 4 this morning and could hardly get up off the floor due to the slickness of the hard wood floors. I just stayed up. I took a nap as soon as I got home from the school run.

Now i am doing laundry with plans for some reading if I get everything done I plan to do with the house and tidying up.

I have been drained of energy both physically and emotionally lately. I wish I could discuss it here , but suffice it to say, that these boys are being brought up to believe that someone is the villain in their lives and that person is to blame for anything that does not go as they feel it should. Michel jr. is the worst at this. I have been the villain. He is either loving on me and telling me how much he loves me or he is treating me as if every wrong thing is my fault and that I am blaming his mother for things when I havent even mentioned her or the topic he is discussing. It just comes out of the blue. Aidan, the 7 year old, told me yesterday after one of michael jr.'s outbursts against me, that Michael has a problem. This behavior is what is modeled before them. Brendan has it a bit, but he is getting better and he doesnt blame me for things anymore. Michael jr. seems to be getting worse at it. This is so sad. He is so adept at getting off subject and accusing me of doing and saying things I have not done or said, and if I deny it, then he cries out at me with "So you are calling me a liar?" and if ia mnot careful the roller coaster ride beginsl I just calmly say "I did not call you a liar, and I am not going to argue with you." This is so sad. Well, I guess I just discussed it here. Please pray for these boys, and know that I never say anything negative about anyone. Michael sr used to be the villain and now, evidently that is the role I am playing. If I think about it, I would rather have the role of the villain, if someone is to have it instead of their daddy. Now I feel better about this already.

My ankles are swollen almost all of the time and I dont know why. Even in the morning they are swollen. They do not hurt, I just wish I knew what I am doing or what I need to stop doing to make this aggrivation cease.

I will go now and finish what I have begun. I love you all so much. God has promised to never leave us comfortless. Isnt that wonderful? He has never left me, I can attest to that. love to you all. jk